Have a Capitalist Christmas

Can’t believe I missed this festive day last week, but, seven days late, I’m celebrating probably the most retarded idea I’ve ever heard: Buy Nothing Day.  Apparently, people are supposed to cast off the “corporate shackles” and not buy anything for a day.

Now, I’ve observed these people for years, and I’ll let you into a little secret.  Just before those protesters leave the Body Shop with their piece of mango-infused hypocrisy, and just after they give their hard-earned money to the shop attendant something amazing happens: both say ‘thank you’.  What the hell?  BOTH say thank you?!  But… that means that both parties did each other a good deed… at the same time.  How?!

Well, the customer wants the product (or smug satisfaction if they went to Body Shop) more than the money.  And the shop attendant would rather have the money than the product.  So, by engaging in mutually-consensual acts, all parties are happier as a result, otherwise they wouldn’t consent to it.  When a crook mugs you, you do not thank them, and when government mugs taxes you, you don’t thank them either.

On their website (I’m not fucking linking to it), they have a poster advertising their little protest:

Don’t know about you, but it looks like a dead-end to me.

With the maelstrom of the government’s recession raging all around, these idiots complaining of over-consumption (what would Keynes say, eh?) are drowned out by the sound of firms going under.  This Christmas, stop being so fucking selfish and go out and spend a lot of money buying stuff at the unseasonal sales - and you’ll make the shop owners a lot happier.  Then, you can give them as gifts to the people you love: another consensual act.  And that’s the message of capitalism.